How do you achieve a healthy view of marriage as a godly single woman? We’ve all seen the extreme of women who desire marriage to the point of obsession. And the women who avoids relationships or makes it challenging for marriage to ever happen.
Is balance possible? Yes, but it’s a journey. What I’m sharing here is not something I have “all figured out”, but rather what God is teaching me along the journey. I pray that it will be an encouragement and help to single women, and perhaps enlightening to those who want to help and bless the single ladies in their life.
Here are five ways to have a healthy view of marriage as a single woman:
1. Pursue A Relationship with Jesus
First and foremost, pursue a relationship with Jesus. Delight yourself in Him. Allow Him to satisfy the deepest needs of your heart, which a husband will never fill. Read His Word. Ask questions like, “What does God say about marriage? About singleness? About male & female roles?” God calls marriage a good thing. Yet He doesn’t promise it. Learn to live in both of those realities.
Let God’s truth be what guides your decisions and fills your mind. And pray about everything, from a potential relationship to a current struggle to a request. Give thanks for what He’s blessed you with. Not to be cliché, but “fall in love” with Jesus. It’s the most amazing love affair you will ever have.
2. Surround Yourself With Friends of all Genders & Ages
Other people are vital to this journey. Like I talked about in this post, we need friends who are older and younger than us, both male and female. Single friends can encourage you as you walk in this journey together, and you can also learn from their mistakes and victories. Have guys who are friends, not “potentials”. Married friends can give you a real look at marriage, both the good and the bad. Older friends can provide counsel. Younger friends can help you find perspective.
Singleness is not a journey to walk alone, girls. Invite others into your journey, share in theirs, and do life together.
3. Guard Your Media Intake
Unrealistic love stories in any form, be it a book, movie, or song can all be detrimental to a healthy view of marriage. Guard what you allow yourself to read, see, and hear. Choose carefully what to meditate on.
Even social media, if overdone, can be unhelpful. You only see what people want you to see, and so it’s easy to get an unrealistic view of what other people’s lives, marriages, and spouses are like
At the same time, carefully selected media can feed a healthy view on marriage. Media that portrays a God-honoring love story or a happily married couple can be encouraging. Just be balanced and watch where it takes your heart and mind. Don’t be afraid to be ruthless in cutting out anything that draws you away from God’s view of marriage.
4. Prepare for the Real Stuff of Marriage.
A healthy view of marriage can be helped by preparing for what marriage really is. By the time I graduated high school, I could run a house, sure. I could cook, clean, sew, do laundry, multitask effectively, manage the various details of managing a household, and I knew the basics of raising children. I recommend every high school girl know the same by graduation. But that didn’t make me ready for marriage.
Marriage will require much more than practical skills. Daydreaming about marriage while packing a hope chest won’t get you very far. Do you have a vibrant relationship with God? How will you handle serving a husband when you’re pregnant and sick? Are you prepared to respect a husband who will not always deserve it? What’s your character like? Are you ready to serve sacrificially?
Talk to married friends. Ask them what they wish they’d done when they were single. Read books about marriage. Practice respecting your dad and brothers. Pursue Jesus with all your heart. Serve sacrificially. Embrace the beautiful and the hard of loving deeply right where you are.
5. Get A Life
Sorry to put it so bluntly, but get a life. Please. I see far too many girls who are wasting their life. Worrying about being “desirable”. Fretting about the future. Obsessed with every eligible guy and potential relationship and marriage in general. Or confident that “God will work it all out, I’ll just sit at home and wait”.
I get the temptations, I do. But please, girls, learn to see these years as an opportunity, not a “holding pattern”. Learn to embrace the fact that marriage is a good thing, not something you need to swear off from, but not something you need to obsess about either.
Live. Really live. Love passionately. Give generously. Serve others. Learn to get along with unpleasant people. Get skills and training. Work hard. Pursue Jesus with all your heart. And desiring marriage will take it’s proper place in your heart.