I rarely listen to contemporary music, but Spotify playlists sometimes throw in random songs, and “Build My Life” by Pat Barrett came up. One line caught me, “Show me Who You are and fill me”. In context, “We live for You. Holy, there is no one like You, there is none beside You, open up my eyes in wonder, show me Who You are and fill me with Your heart and lead me in Your love to those around me.”
That line echoes the cry of my heart. Show me Who You are, Lord. And fill me.
I want to know Him, know more of Who He is and how He works and what He is like. I want to study every facet of His character. I want to behold His beauty and worship Him in His holiness. I want to know this God who is far and who is near. I want to know Immanuel, God with us, this holy King who wants to be with us. I want to go deeper into the mystery of a God who died for us while we were yet sinners, and know the depths of the love that would drive Him to that. I want to know what He longs for, what pleases Him, to want what He wants. I want to see His glory. I want to experience His faithfulness, His mercies that are new every morning.
The more I know, the more my heart hungers to know. It’s not an intellectual desire, but a heart-hunger. Yet, as Jen Wilkin says, “The heart cannot love what the mind does not know”, and dictionaries and cross-referencing and study of context are part of knowing God. I can (and do) spend hours in His presence and still it is not enough. And yet it is.
I am learning what “Daily Bread” really means. If my time with Him is rushed or cut short, the pressures of the day rise fast. I cannot meet the demands of my life unless I am filled with Him. He is enough, and He satisfies, but I must meet with Him daily.
For that is the second part of the cry of my heart. Fill me, Lord. I want this God who indwells me (which is a wonder I cannot wrap my mind around and yet take for granted far too easily) to truly be Lord of my life.
I want to have His heart, see the world through His eyes, be led by Him in every moment. I want to say only what He would have me to say. I want my thoughts to please Him, and my feelings to please Him, and my actions to please Him. I want to be have His love for those around me. I want to hear and obey the prompting of the Holy Spirit, no matter how it looks to others. I want to overflow with His love and joy and peace.
Amy Carmichael said “A cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, no matter how suddenly jolted.”
How I want that to be true of me. To be so full of Christ that I respond as He would have me, no matter how suddenly I am jolted. In big things and in small.
I want His love for a hurting woman who thinks ending the life of her unborn child would make things better. I want His joy when dreams don’t come true. I want His peace when deadlines press in. I want His patience when technology conspires against me. I want His kindness when interrupted by a child. I want His goodness when compromise seems easier. I want His faithfulness when it feels boring. I want His gentleness when harsh words are tempting. I want His self-control when faced with an opportunity to sin secretly.
Yet the call of Christ is not to reform outwardly or to “try harder”. It is to know Him, and out of that knowing Him to be changed. It is a call to walk worthy of the calling to which we have been called.
If I don’t know the calling, don’t know what He has done for me or what He has promised me, if I don’t know Him who has called me . . . how in the world will I walk worthy of the calling? For example, I cannot read the second half of Ephesians with specific commands, unless I have read the first half of Ephesians for the backdrop and the “why”.
So I must know Him. Must be willing to walk through anything that will better help me to know Him and and the power of His resurrection, willing to share in His sufferings.
May that be our prayer. Show us who You are, Lord, and fill us. May we know You and be filled with You.
May it be said of us that we counted everything as loss for the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus our Lord. May we gain Christ and be found in Him. May we press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.