We serve a faithful, faithful God. I wrote a hard, honest, vulnerable post a couple days ago, made it public on the internet with fear and trembling.
I did it because I had to be obedient. Because others are likely wrestling with the same questions and if sharing my wrestling would help them in their pursuit of truth, it’s worth it. Because inviting others into my journey is more valuable than thinking I can give all the answers. Because pointing to Christ and digging into His Word is always the right choice.
I don’t regret it. No matter what comes of it. No matter what the future holds.
As I shared in that post, I haven’t a lot of answers. But I am choosing to land on the sovereignty and goodness of God. I am choosing to trust Him.
And this morning, this song came up in my playlist:
God is Still Here
by JJ Heller
What if I forget the lyrics to the chorus of the song I wrote?
What if my daughter gets a fever while I’m out here on the road?
What if this kind of life I lead is damaging in ways I do not know?
What if I can never find a place where I can truly be myself?
What if I never chase my dreams and leave them sitting on the shelf?
What if I already missed my prime and get passed by for someone else?
What if the world doesn’t end when the fears come true?
What if we have what we need to make it through?
There is manna from heaven and mercies new
What if God is still here in this desert too?
Every morning I am full of hope like Lazarus up from the grave
But by the time I fall in bed I’m burdened by a heavy weight
From picking up what isn’t mine ’til I feel like there’s no escape
What if I believed that God would meet me in my trouble and my pain
And all the truth that’s in my head would move down to my heart and then
I shall not want for anything and finally be at peace again.
What if all my life I wrestle with my worry and anxiety?
What if the thorn deep in my side is only there to help me see
That though I never ask for it, the desert is God’s gift to me?
What if the world doesn’t end when the fears come true?
What if we have what we need to make it through?
There is manna from heaven and mercies new
What if God is still here in this desert?
God is still here in this desert too.”
I have my own list of what-ifs. You probably do too. But if our worst fears come true . . . God is still God, a God who is faithful and good. Have we made mistakes along the way? Certainly. But isn’t He bigger than that? Has He not given us what we need to make it through? Is there not grace for every day? Couldn’t He use the desert as a gift to me?
There have been moments when it has felt like a desert. Or worse yet, like I have hit the Red Sea and there is no way forward unless God miraculously opens up a way. But there has been sweet manna in the desert. His mercies have been new every day. He has been faithful. And I have never, never, never, been alone.
Last night I was telling a friend how, in the midst of these questions, the only answer I feel I have from God is “Trust Me. Wait. Be patient. Yes, this is the way I made My world, but your story is still being written.”
Here, where a lot doesn’t make sense and I am struggling to know how to obey, He has met me, and the truth has slowly begun to move down to my heart. I have not wanted for anything that I truly needed. He has given perfect, perfect peace.
Even in the midst of heartbreak and loss and lack and unfulfilled desires and unanswered questions. . . . I am grateful for the journey. I have pressed into Christ and found Him to be treasure incomparable.
Have I mentioned that we serve a faithful God?
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; he utters his voice, the earth melts. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. ‘Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!’ The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.” Psalm 46
He doesn’t promise absence of trouble. He doesn’t promise that the earth won’t give way. He doesn’t promise that the nations won’t rage or that wars won’t come. He doesn’t promise that love will be returned or that we’ll get married or that our spouse won’t die or that the worst won’t happen.
But He does say that He will be our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. And therefore we. will. not. fear.
The Lord of hosts is with us. The God of Jacob is our fortress. Come, behold His works. When we get to that all-familiar “Be still and know that I am God” . . . remember what kind of God He is. He will be exalted, He is God Almighty, Sovereign Ruler . . . and yet He is a God who is near, God with us, a personal God who is our fortress.
Do I understand it all? Nope. Am I still committed to wrestling well with Scripture, seeking to understand it both theologically and practically, and willing to take the steps of obedience that are needed? Yes.
But today I’m landing here. Choosing to believe rightly about God. Choosing to believe rightly about myself. And knowing that if ______ then God will still be faithful and good.
I’d invite you to join me in that too. Wrestle well. Ask the hard questions. Then land in the sovereignty and goodness of God.
The following passage seems an appropriate ending:
‘“Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
‘For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?’
‘Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.” Romans 11:33-36
A beautiful song version of this is:
It’s a gift to do life in community. It’s a gift to wrestle well together. It’s a gift to encourage each other to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of the race, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Thank you to those who have joined me in that.
Now let’s remember who our Lord is. It doesn’t have to all make sense. But may we glorify Him all the days of our life and then forevermore. He is sovereign and He is good . . . and He IS faithful.
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